A comical skit


	\| home Calendar \| Mission \| Contact Us \| Member list \| Related Links \| Topics of Interest \| Newsletter \| Pictures \| Player of the Month \| IC Pages \| A comical skit A comical skit ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How to Piss off a Harpy...or...Who's The Prince... By:Miria Shasteen ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ long distance phonecall Malkavian Harpy: Well, looks like all is ready for your visit here to Pensacola. Ventrue Harpy: Good...Ahhh...It's a populous City, isnt it? Malkavian Harpy: For the most part. Ventrue Harpy: Hmmm. Well look, you're Pensacola's Harpy, you must know all the Kindred there. Malkavian Harpy: proudly I certainly do. Ventrue Harpy: Well, as you know I've never been to Pensacola. Would you be so kind as to tell me the names of the those that hold Court positions? That way I know who they are before I arrive. Malkavian Harpy: amibaly Oh, sure... The Prince is a Malkavin. But the Prince has a thing for giving his Court officers very peculiar names. Ventrue Harpy: You mean funny names? Malkavian Harpy: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Nosferatu... Ventrue Harpy: Ah yes! I have heard of him...and his childer Daffy. Malkavian Harpy: affirming Daffy Nos... Ventrue Harpy: And their French cousin. Malkavian Harpy: French? Ventrue Harpy: Yes...Goofe' . Malkavian Harpy: Goofe' Nos! I had forgotten about her. Well, let's see, first we have the Offices: Who's the Prince, What's the Senechal, and I Don't Know is the Sheriff... Ventrue Harpy: mater of factly That's what I want to find out. Malkavian Harpy: As I said, Who's the Prince, What's the Scheneshal, I Don't Know's the Sherriff. Ventrue Harpy: increadously Wait a minute, aren't you the Harpy? Malkavian Harpy: Yes. Ventrue Harpy: And it's your City? Malkavian Harpy: Yes. Ventrue Harpy: And you don't know the Court names. Malkavian Harpy: slightly offended Yes, I do. Ventrue Harpy: Well then who's the Prince? Malkavian Harpy: glibly Yes. Ventrue Harpy: I mean the fellow's name. Malkavian Harpy: Who. Ventrue Harpy: The Praxis holder. Malkavian Harpy: >Who<. Ventrue Harpy: The Prince! Malkavian Harpy: Who! Ventrue Harpy: The guy holding... Malkavian Harpy: Who >is< >the< Prince! Ventrue Harpy: I'm >asking< you who's the Prince. Malkavian Harpy: That's the man's name. Ventrue Harpy: That's who's name? Malkavian Harpy: satisfied Yes. Ventrue Harpy: pause Well go ahead and tell me. Malkavian Harpy: That's it. Ventrue Harpy: confused That's who? Malkavian Harpy: positively Yes. silent pause, then a suffering sigh Ventrue Harpy : Look, you've got a Prince? Malkavian Harpy: Certainly. Ventrue Harpy : Who's holding Praxis? Malkavian Harpy: That's right. Ventrue Harpy: When you see the Prince at Court, and give him your City reports, who gets the file? Malkavian Harpy: Every page of it. Ventrue Harpy : All I'm trying to find out is the Malkavian's name holding praxis! Malkavian Harpy: patiently Who. Ventrue Harpy : The guy that gets...? Malkavian Harpy: That's it. Ventrue Harpy: Who gets the report...? Malkavian Harpy: He does, every page of it. Sometimes his Childer comes down and collects it. Ventrue Harpy : Who's Childer? Malkavian Harpy: Yes. loaded pause Malkavian Harpy: And what's wrong with that? Ventrue Harpy : speaking slowly What I want to know is, when one recieves a written missive from the the Prince, how does he sign his name? Malkavian Harpy: Prince Who. Ventrue Harpy : The guy! Malkavian Harpy: Who! Ventrue Harpy : Look, how does he sign... Malkavian Harpy: That's how he signs it. Ventrue Harpy : demanding Who? Malkavian Harpy: Yes! sighs hard now Ventrue Harpy : mutering All I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name that's Prince. Malkavian Harpy: quickly No. What is the Senechal. Ventrue Harpy: deliberately I'm not >asking< you who's the Senechal. Malkavian Harpy: Who's the Prince. Ventrue Harpy : One position at a time! Malkavian Harpy: Well, don't change the positions around. Ventrue Harpy: I'm not changing anybody! Malkavian Harpy: derisive snort Ventrue Harpy : patiently I'm only asking you, who's the Malkavian that holds praxis!? Malkavian Harpy: That's right. Ventrue Harpy: Ok! Malkavian Harpy: Alright! sighs hard, trying one more time Ventrue Harpy : What's the Kindred's name holding Praxis? Malkavian Harpy: No. What's the Senechal. Ventrue Harpy : I'm not asking you who's the Senechal! Malkavian Harpy: Who's the Prince! Ventrue Harpy : I_don't_know! Malkavian Harpy: shakes head He's the Sherriff, we're not talking about him. Ventrue Harpy : Now >how< did we get to the Sherriff? Malkavian Harpy: Why, you mentioned his name. Ventrue Harpy : If I mentioned the Sherriffs name, who did I say is Sheriff? Malkavian Harpy: No. Who's holding Praxis. Ventrue Harpy : What's his office? Malkavian Harpy: What's the Senechal. Ventrue Harpy : I don't know! Malkavian Harpy: slowly He's the Sheriff. Ventrue Harpy: There I go, back to the Sheriff position again! paces a moment, then continues Ventrue Harpy : Look, would you just stay with the sheriff position, and don't go off it. Malkavian Harpy: calmly Alright, what do you want to know? Ventrue Harpy : Now who's the Sheriff? Malkavian Harpy: Why do you insist making Who the Sheriff? Ventrue Harpy : What am I making the Sheriff? Malkavian Harpy: No. What is the Schenchal. Ventrue Harpy : You don't want who as the sheriff? Malkavian Harpy: Who's the Prince. Ventrue Harpy : I don't know! Together: The Sheriff!! Ventrue really getting mad now Ventrue Harpy : Look, you got a Toreador Primogen? Malkavian Harpy: Sure. Ventrue Harpy : The Toreador's name? Malkavian Harpy: Why. Ventrue Harpy : slightly offended I just thought I'd ask. Malkavian Harpy: cheerfully Well, I just thought I'd tell ya. Ventrue Harpy : fuming Then tell me who's the Torie Primogen! Malkavian Harpy: insistingly Who's the Prince. Ventrue Harpy : frustrated I'm not asking...stay out of Clan Malkavian!!! I want to know what's the guy's name in the Torie Primogen position? Malkavian Harpy: patiently No, What is the Schenshal. Ventrue Harpy : impatiently I'm not asking you who's the Schenechal! Malkavian Harpy: Who's the Prince! Ventrue Harpy : I don't know!! Together: The Sheriff!! exasperted, but not giving up Ventrue Harpy : Okay...the Torie Primogens name? Malkavian Harpy: Why. Ventrue Harpy: Because! Malkavian Harpy: Oh, he's the Ventrue Primogen. quickly changing tactics Ventrue Harpy : Look, do you have a Scourge in this City? Malkavian Harpy: Oh sure. Ventrue Harpy : The scourge's name? Malkavian Harpy: Tomorrow. Ventrue Harpy : You don't want to tell me today? Malkavian Harpy: I'm telling you now. Ventrue Harpy : Then go ahead. Malkavian Harpy: Tomorrow. Ventrue Harpy : What time? Malkavian Harpy: confused What time what? Ventrue Harpy : What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's the Scourge? Malkavian Harpy: frustrated Now listen: Who is >not< the Scourge... Ventrue Harpy : interrupting, really mad now ...I'll break your arm if you say who's the Prince!!! I want to know what's the Scourge's name?!! Malkavian Harpy: What's the Scheneshal. Ventrue Harpy : shouting I don't know! Together: The Sheriff!! still pissed, but calmer Ventrue Harpy : Got a Tremere primogen? Malkavian Harpy: Certainly. Ventrue Harpy : demandingly The Tremere's name? Malkavian Harpy: Today. Ventrue Harpy : derisively Right. Today. And tomorrow's the Scourge. Malkavian Harpy: happily Now you've got it. Ventrue Harpy : All we got is a couple of days as Court postions!! PAUSE Ventrue Harpy :thinking slyly You know I'm a Ventrue too. Malkavian Harpy: So they tell me. Ventrue Harpy : Say I start talking with a group of Venture of Pensacola, and a new Kindred comes to me, mistaking me for one of the City's inhabitants. Now the new Kindred asks to be introduced to the Prince of Pensacola. When he does this, I'm gonna send the guy to the Prince. So I politely point him in the direction of who? Malkavian Harpy: getting tired of this Now that's the first thing you've said right. Ventrue Harpy : almost yelling I don't even know what I'm talking about! PAUSE Malkavian Harpy: quietly That's all you have to do. Ventrue Harpy : recovering composure Is to point him to the Prince? Malkavian Harpy: Yes! Ventrue Harpy : Now who's he going to? Malkavian Harpy: Naturally. almost loosing composure again Ventrue Harpy : calmly Look, if I send him to the Prince, he's gotta to to somebody. Now, he goes to who? Malkavian Harpy: Naturally. Ventrue Harpy : thinking he is catching on Who? Malkavian Harpy: Naturally. Ventrue Harpy: Naturally? Malkavian Harpy: Naturally. Ventrue Harpy : happily So! I send him off to see Naturally. Malkavian Harpy: No you don't, you send him to see Who. Ventrue Harpy : sarcastically Naturally. Malkavian Harpy: That's different. Ventrue Harpy : That's what I said! Malkavian Harpy: Your not saying it... Ventrue Harpy : I send him to Naturally. Malkavian Harpy: You send him to Who. Ventrue Harpy : Naturally! Malkavian Harpy: That's it. Ventrue Harpy : That's what I said! Malkavian Harpy: Look, maybe I can help. You ask me. Ventrue Harpy : thinking he has it all now I send him to who? Malkavian Harpy: Naturally. Ventrue Harpy : smugly Okay, now you ask me. Malkavian Harpy: You send him to Who? Ventrue Harpy : Naturally. Malkavian Harpy: That's it. Ventrue Harpy : loosing temper again, voice rising in intensity as he continues Same as you! Same as YOU!!! I send the new Kindred to the Prince! Malkavian Harpy: quietly Right. Ventrue Harpy: Whoever it is is busy, and sends him to the Scheneshal. Malkavian Harpy: quietly Right. Ventrue Harpy: giving up on the hole thing, very frustrated, just wanting to end the call So, Who sends him to What. What sees dablorie in him and sends him to I Don't Know. I Don't Know sends him to Tomorrow, and the new kindred is destroyed for diablorie! Another guy goes and tells all this to Because!! Why?!! I don't know! >He's< the Sheriff, and I don't give a damn!! Malkavian Harpy: What? Ventrue Harpy : getting ready to hang up I said I don't give a damn! Malkavian Harpy: very calmly Oh, that's our Nos primogen. line goes dead...THE END